Stillness

It is widely said that Shakespeare wrote King Lear while in quarantine. As our Covid-19 quarantine enters the early stages of coming to an end I find that I’ve done little more than read an embarrassing amount of internet articles about what happened to the friendship of Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss. While I’m not proud of the amount of time spent reading endless Twitter timelines about their glamorous girls’ nights and road trip selfies, it was a much-needed break from politics and pandemic news. The novels I choose are almost never feel-good stories, so I was also ready for a few days’ break from the identity crises of Jeffrey Eugenides, although I still cannot recommend Middlesex enough because a novel that doesn’t feature a character with an identity crisis may as well not exist in my opinion.

During my fall down the celebrity story rabbit-hole – wait, model Karlie Kloss is married to Joshua Kushner who is brothers with Jared Kushner who is married to Ivanka Trump who is daughter of…well, you know that part – I understand that my brain is just not in the “let’s write an amazing historic tragedy” kind of mood. Not that my brain could produce any sort of historic tragedy anyway, nonetheless it wouldn’t want to if it could, and I’ve come to terms with that.

For now I’m grateful that I’m able to spend the four or more hours a day needed to homeschool my kindergartener and third-grader and also to have the time to play board games and card games and go on walks and bike rides in the evening. We read books and watch movies and color and draw. Every couple of days I feel disappointed in myself for not accomplishing much. Then I remember how quickly the time goes and how quickly they grow up. I remind myself that these are moments we’ll always cherish and that though I feel like I’m accomplishing little – I am gaining so much. 

I was reflecting on this photo I took of a to-do list I made at the beginning of this whole thing, checking off what I had done so far and wondering what I could add as we move slowly into reopening our city. A checklist is handy for those of us who feel like we never do enough because they can remind us that we are moving forward even when we don't feel like it. And sometimes what we really need is not to move forward but to stay still for a moment. I know many might not feel the same way, but overall I have enjoyed the stillness. I hope everyone can find the peace they need as we move into the phases of reopening our busy lives because, while many are ready to move on and go do other things, it's important to remember what we do it all for.